Archive | January, 2013

If Nobody lied..

31 Jan

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I was listening to the song by *Nickelback If Everyone Cared* and thinking of my son and daughter in law. So much of the content of this song, could be especially for you both.

Many people think the solution for peace is to be peaceful, not make waves, just give in to the other party. This is why one side will always be violent and one side passive.
There is no gray

area to war.

 

*”If everyone loved and nobody lied, If everyone shared and swallowed their pride. Then we would see the day when nobody died.”*
No, this is not a scripture, although it could be. If no one lied, there would be no ability for forgiveness.

I listen day after day to other people’s opinions about war here, war there, murders, PTSD, criminals, lack of government funding, too much government, waiting too long at the bank, store, stoplight, blah, blah, blah!

Some have no concept that others also have trials and travails to go through. Then again, they do not seem to care as they go on and on about how rough their life is, how horrible it is they couldn’t afford satellite, cell phone or cigarettes. 

These types of problems will not have a solution, because one is really not desired. It will be another set of self-inflicted issues, each time seemingly an emergency. It is so easy to get caught up in the vortex of ungratefulness.
There will always be war as long as there are men to wage it! As much as society thinks there are warm,fuzzy, solutions for why others want to hate, kill and destroy what is not understood.
Just like failing Kindergarten, There is so much more to life than what meets the eye! Compassion, truth, forgiveness.
The next time you are tempted to unleash some unsavory remark to the cashier, because you had to wait in line too long~ comment on how thankful you are that they are there to help you and you can just drive to the store and pick up ready-made groceries, toiletries, pretty much one stop shopping.
Await their reply, what did they say?
Next time you are caught in traffic, muse over the fact that we can drive pretty much anywhere within the US and not be subjected to armed, forced searches.
When forced waiting for road construction, tell the workers how you are glad roads are “repaired”. Some countries, there are no paved roads and access to simple life-sustaining items such as food and water have to be obtained by walking, burdened sometimes a great distance, carrying a weapon is customary.
Is the food not to your liking? At least you have food and most Americans are overweight, out of shape and not healthy even living within the boundaries of Amber fields of grain.
Some nights are off-limits to sleep? Knowing that many are terrorized by uninvited, terror-stricken dreams I hold back my complaint that I didn’t sleep well.That is why I started blogging, my mind sometimes just can’t slow down. Writing helps, pull out skeins of thought and unravels my knotted brains of yarn.
Why do I write about what seems to be rambling, not connected thoughts?
We are a 3rd generation Military family, if you have family that has served or is currently serving, you may experience a dramatic change in what you think is normal, everyday life and trials.
I know that over the last 4 1/2 years I have wrestled with so many feelings, sometimes wondering if I was nearing the brink of my mind’s capacity.
No matter whether you support the past, present or future happenings with our Military, we need to remember that every Soldier is someone’s son, daughter, husband, wife, brother, sister, father, or mother!
I do not take offense in an opinion stated, if respect and care are taken in the expression.
Think about how the world would be…If everyone loved and nobody lied, If everyone shared and swallowed their pride. Then we would see the day when nobody died.”
Please note *song credit!~Nickelback~If Everyone Cared*

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Broken…

30 Jan

I really need to watch what I say in spiritual perspective. When we were gathered to study in the book of Psalms Sunday morning, I asked “would you still praise God, if things don’t turn out the way you think they should?”. I guess this was taken as a challenge, am I able to set the example? Can I tow the line? Am I just talking the talk?

We come home from church, have lunch and after relaxing for a bit we go out to get the chores done early. We are leaving before dark to watch my grandson play basketball. My nephew and his cousins had just gone out before me to start the watering and haying, when the back door is whipped open with great effort. My nephew proceeds to tell me that one of the doelings has an injured leg. By the time I get my boots, hat and coat on to go out and help with chores, she apparently has several things wrong with her.

Now, let me tell you that this little doe and her sister had been advertised for sale and had an interested 4-H family coming to look at them on Wednesday, of course.

Poor little thing, she broke her leg. No doubt about it. I have my daughter hold her and put a splint on her leg, then traipse back to the house to read up on splinting goat legs.

Way back when, I was a licensed Veterinary technician. Certified in; Radiology, Dentistry, Anesthesia, Bandaging, Lab, Surgical Assistance, Small Animal Nutrition. I worked in this profession for over 10 years, managed several clinics and was employed at the local emergency vet as well.

It is quite a humbling experience to have the training, then have your own real life situation with one of Your animals. I suddenly felt inadequate, ill at ease and not qualified to do what others had paid for me to do for years.

She is eating, drinking, sore because of the antibiotic injections, but no longer lonely. Her sister is not very happy and trying to figure out how to get out of the straw stall we built. I did not realize how difficult it would be to provide right conditions for her recovery and healing. Initially I was thinking of creating a wood pallet stall, then it was pointed out to me that..ya know the Murphy Law thing? Hmmm, she did break her leg in a grassy pasture! Probably not the best idea, we progress to the next idea. No, can’t put her makeshift stall across the aisle way, it was pouring down rain that night and that end of the barn might flood. Arghhh, frustration after what seemed like hours, we thought back to last year when the barn did flood. We kept the Mommas and kids safe in the straw room with straw stalls. So that is what we did.

I don’t know who is in more pain during this experience, the little doeling or myself? Her bones are broken, my spirit is broken. There are so many things going on that I can’t even put into words. I am choosing thankfulness over despair.

I will praise Thee O Lord, amidst the darkness. I will call out to Thee O Lord and I know you will hear my cries.

Image

 

Distance

25 Jan

ImageWoke up this morning cold hardwood floors, no coals in the woodstove and the heat pump running. Good thing I had set up the coffee the night before, I will drink a nice cuppa before I venture to the wood shed to bring in kindling to start a fresh fire. Last time the the fire went out, I stumbled outside not fully awake and left my brain in the house. I slipped in the mud and needless to say it was not a pretty sight!

So, as I listen to the heat pump run I am reminiscing about this last summer and the family that we were able to spend time with. It was warmer in June, although this picture was taken the day of my oldest son’s wedding, the weather the day before was more like an early spring day. At the wedding rehearsal, we were all bundled up in jackets, coats and even an occasional blanket! The day of the wedding was brisk, we were concerned about the looming clouds that rolled in and lingered bringing the threat of not only rain, but thunderstorms. As picture after picture was taken, arms were rubbed for warmth, jackets  and sweaters taken off and on I kept hearing “what time is it? Do I have time?” 

I am still thinking “what time is it? Do I have time?”.

Every minute that ticks into an hour stretching into 24 composes what we call a day. Have I used my time wisely? Some days, it seems that I haven’t. 

I have been guilty of assumption, thinking that I will always wake up tomorrow. 

Charles M. Schulz – “Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely.”

I always wondered the source of that quote. Unfortunately, we know that it is true! Currently, we are a military family; Grandfather, Son and now Grandson all Veterans in serving this United States of America. Deployment is tough for all, it doesn’t matter if they are just stationed overseas at Duty station or on an away mission. I now understand something my mom told me years ago “it doesn’t matter if someone is 2 hours or 2,000 miles away, they are still not here!”.

My father in law is still battling as a soldier, this time the enemy is cancer. He is doing very well, but still in the trenches. My eldest son is battling health issues from being a soldier and is still active Military. Both with Lion hearts and bravely stepping forth each day, not knowing what may come.

I am here at Zion Farm, seemingly millions of miles away from family that I Love so much.

Pondering who I am; soldier, nurse, teacher, farmer, administrator, advisor, manager, daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend, warrior and chaplain.

We haven’t been able to get away to visit family in Germany, nor family in Bend. Like an unseen cog in the wheel, life keeps turning. One little thing after another, it’s only money. don’t get attached to material things. At this time, I am looking at the maps and realizing that each mile should be represented by dollar symbols! We work hard, my husband holds an outside job and I run the farm with help from our children and sometimes friends chime in to help. 

It really is true, no matter whether across town, state, continents, or heavenly realm, loved ones are still absent and missed. Not able to hear how much the kids chatter about them, what they would like or not like. What we can do next we see them, what they have been doing, nor can they hear the prayers we offer up daily for them.

Let me close with an Irish blessing, it seems appropriate;

May the road rise to meet you. 

May the wind be always at your back. 
May the sun shine warm upon your face. 
And rains fall soft upon your fields. 
And until we meet again, 
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

Cherry Pie…<3

23 Jan

One way that I can deal with stress is cooking. I don’t like to do dishes, but I LOVE to cook!

We were talking about what to bake this morning amongst ourselves and my youngest daughter says “I can’t wait until big brother comes home, I am going to make his cherry pie!” She then points out that we haven’t made Any cherry pies since he left home, on my birthday almost 5 years ago! Now that is along time without Cherry pie!

Why, oh why, no Cherry pie? When we found out that he was being deployed to Afghanistan, I gave up drinking Dr. Pepper as a way to show support for him. He wouldn’t be able to have any, so neither would I! Christmas that year was very difficult, as hanging up his ornaments, stocking, all reminded us that he was far away and we could not talk with him. 

Deciding upon the Christmas dinner is a family thing, we all share ideas of what we would like to eat for this special day. That is how it came around to Not having Cherry Pie! Well, if Jaron can’t have it we won’t either. 

The children are learning to cook new things and it has been decided that we Will make Cherry Pie this summer, sometime in the near future.

Somehow, it will probably taste the best we have ever remembered. Not because we waited so long to prepare and partake of this seasonal treat, but because of the company that it will be shared with.

We love our family and Cherry Pie!Image

Pearly Whites

23 Jan

Upon taking the children to their routine twice a year cleanings at the new dentist, we were informed that the reason they are having cavity problems is their teeth did not finish bridging together. The illustration the dentist used; their teeth are like mini glaciers, they have tiny fissure cracks and no matter how hard they brush, decay will prevail.

We have been faithful in seeking routine, preventative dental care and this is the first I had heard of it. Mind you, my youngest children are 10 & 12 years old! Needless to say, I was a little alarmed, dismayed, upset, ok Frosted! After a second opinion, both children are receiving the care to help them keep their teeth healthy.

I have been in a life change, diet that is. I woke up at 2 am, pretty common occurence for me. After I stoked the fire, I realized I was famished. I thought about eating something not in my range of food, then reached for a healthy alternative. Dried fruit, a piece of “seedless”plum. I had conquered the urge to eat “bad”! As I popped the treat into my mouth, I rolled it over and started to bite down. I felt and heard simultaneously the crack of my premolar. Being Sunday night and Monday a holiday, dread set in. 

Not only did I lose half my tooth, what was left is as sharp as a shard of jagged glass that you see in movie bar fights! So, thankful for Zoi yogurt, soup and vitamin shakes I hesitantly forged through most of Monday. I called and was able to get an appointment Tuesday late afternoon.

After an x-ray, the dentist informed me that not only had my tooth suffered decay, which caused it to weaken and crack, but I have abnormally shallow roots. Even if he did a root canal, he could not guarantee it would clean up and heal as it should. The best option is to remove the offending tooth. I could have a dental implant after it heals, I could hear him say. 

Well, I guess I am not ready for this part of my life. I do not want to relinquish my teeth to decay, my bones to arthritis, my activity to sit by the wood stove and watch the rest of the world go by.

What did i do? I started to cry, tears uncontrollable, streaming down my face. I must of sat in that chair for at least 10 minutes thinking, how does life come to this?

Come to what, you may be thinking? The point in my life, where I don’t have so that my children do. That we pull teeth, dodge medical issues and skirt bills to provide for them what  we did not have available to us growing up.

My mom passed away over 19 years ago today. Several years, the anniversary has quietly been passed over on the calendar. Today, I remember being a little girl and running through the house with my mom’s dentures stuck in my mouth! I had found them in the bathroom, soaking and curious I stuck them in my mouth. Then, I could not get them out! Well, unfortunately my mom had a houseful of ladies for lunch that day! I ran to my mom and she horrifically realized what I had in my mouth and she started yelling at me “Lisa-Anne, you come here right now!” Well, once I heard that I ran away. I was alarmed that I could not get the dentures out of my mouth!

My mom was a beautiful woman, no one would of ever guessed that she had dentures. She is not around for me to ask, how this came about. Nor can I share my grieving over the loss of my teeth, nor aging changes. 

I am thankful the dentist is letting me make payments.

I hope that as you care for your teeth today, remember how much power is in a smile!

I have taken my teeth for granted, I have cared for them as I could. Now, it is too late to “wish things back”. A new, uninvited chapter in the book of my life…

Dreams of Stone

19 Jan

We ended the week by driving over half an hour into Eugene and attending the Green Home and Garden show. We saw alot of new products, tasted some fine chocolates; Chocolate Decadence, Divine Cupcake, Cafe Mam coffee, Coconut Bliss, Our Daily Bread and my husband sampled some Hard cider that he said was very flavorful. 

I have come to the unfortunate realization that I may never get to “return” to Ireland. No, I have not ever been able to travel to the land of my heritage. I wonder, what caused my great grandfather to leave this beautiful land. I feel uplifted whenever I hear the familiar, haunting music or see photos of the vast country left behind. 

Image I have been wistfully doing reseach on Ireland for quite awhile now. 

I envision bringing a little of Ireland here to Zion Farm.

I spoke with several masonry artists at the show. One had experience and sincerely offered to indulge my daydream of a 600 foot free standing stone wall.

As we were driving home, I was inspired and wanted to share this vision.

I was totally shut down, we can never afford that. Why are you even inquiring about that? Do they know you can’t have this built? At first, I was really hurt.

What is so wrong about having a dream? Is it because I am no longer young? Does it seem like things like this don’t happen to people like me? Who exactly are people like me?

It must be in my blood, to dare to dream of seemingly impossible things. 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I want to be surrounded by it. Breathe it in, bathe in the light of it’s Glory. Whether in awe of the Grandfather tree, wondering what he has seen in over 200 years of life. Did he dare to dream? Did it seem impossible as a young, tender seedling to think he would be as he is now?

Funny to think, my dreams are of stone..

Always a Mom..

18 Jan

Image When you bring home your newborn babe, so many things bombard you. I was fearful of sleeping. My mom lost a baby to sids and I was terrified that I would not be a good Mom, I would not be able to keep my baby safe. As time passed and he grew, I realized that he was healthy, strong and happy.

That was over 22 years ago. So much life has gone by. Lately, I realize that I still have some of the same feelings now, that I had then. Will I be a good Mom? What can I do to help my child? Relationships change, it is so strange to still have the Mom feelings towards an adult child.

It is even more challenging when they live in another country, worlds away. It doesn’t really matter if they are across town, across country or over 12,000 miles away. 

Wanting to show how much you care, wanting to share, not being there. 

Memories replaying, thinking about times lost and times to come.

Hoping to make right choices, say the right things, keep in touch without demanding too much.

Wondering if letters arrive, gifts are given. Opened away, not able to see the look on his face. Not knowing if it will bring a smile, yet thinking it will.

As I enter into this new time of being a 22 year old’s Mom, I still try to balance the Mom job with the other children. New dimensions are created with them as they see the love, prayer, sorrow and joys of always being a Mom.