Tag Archives: Mid-Life

BbbbbBad to the Bone!

28 Feb

Ah, the challenge today was to write two new posts. Even though I have discovered that I love to write, I still start my day the same way. Usually 2 cups of fresh ground coffee, waking children, feeding our resident old man dog of almost 11 years, food in the cat’s bowl and maybe eating breakfast. Once we have our meet and greet whilst the children and I look over the day’s schedule of school and such, I venture out to do the chores.

Starting with the pullets in the beautiful red Chicky tractor that my wonderful husband built for our little ones, then big girl Chicky coop, guest buck goat, alfalfa in pasture for spoiled expecting, huge ewe and sheep friends.

Next I walk the chip path, well it should be called the muck path right now! We were blessed to have delivered a full load of chips from one of the utility companies, then the extra wheelbarrow went on strike. So, until more money and a trip to Jerry’s we are making do with sharing one! Which does not sound like a big deal…but with stocking wood for keeping house warm, cleaning stalls, moving feed..well you get the idea.

Arriving at the barn, I push open the big slide door and am greeted by nickers, Ms. Peep clucks from inside her snug little house and goat protest maa’s! Little doe goats are fed grain first, followed by the does-in-waiting grain, old mare grain, giraffe grain and filly grain.

Climbing up the ladder, I notice there are no open bales of grass hay. Great, I left my pocket knife in my coveralls. Well, cleanup time upstairs. There is enough hay to feed all and now the loft is tidy. Tearing some huge flakes of alfalfa, I drop some down for feeding sheep and goats. I have transversed that ladder for almost 14 years with no mishaps. I made up for that today! I don’t know what happened to cause my boot to slip and instead of the ball of my foot finding the next rung of the ladder, my whole shin did. It hit hard, causing me to gutterally growl out in scream language! My poor dog ran over the base of the ladder looking up at me with sympathy and wonder, I growled for what felt like ever. Even though I am in pain, I did not even swear, huge accomplishment!

Halfway up or halfway down the ladder, oh man. I still have to finish climbing down. I suck air and carefully finish backing each rung until with great relief I am on the barn floor. Nothing appears broken, the throbbing in my leg I can now feel in my head and every breath I take. Guess I am limping it back to the house, after I give the alfalfa to the sheep and let them out. Come on, I am a Farm chick. Injuries just have to wait sometimes to be fully acknowledged, because on Z Farm..I am now..BBBBBbad to the Bone!

 

 

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~The Quest towards Pearly Whites~

11 Feb

It has been at least two weeks since I last wrote about grieving the loss of part of my tooth.
After the visit to the dentist this week, I figured I needed to update you on what is happening.
Contrary to what my mind had already convinced my heart of, I do not need to have all of my teeth pulled for dentures!
The dentist is very kind and took the time to explain to me that even though I have been diligent about the care of my teeth, sometimes there are things that are not in our control!
I was very surprised at this explanation and he elaborated.
Your genetics, body chemistry, medications and what you eat and drink are all factors that affect the health of your body, mouth and teeth.
After listening, I told him I guess that leaves me with a trio out to attack my teeth!
He stated that unfortunately, he would not be able to salvage my broken tooth. The roots or what is left would not withhold the repair to enable me to keep my tooth.
I could feel my anxiety rise as he told me that I need to have the tooth pulled. I have networks of facial nerves that do not know they are supposed to follow a blueprint. It is hard to find and numb them and with my mouth being so small, very painful after work is done due to cramping of my facial muscles afterwards.
I shared my anxiety with him. He proceeded to show me the last filling.tooth he had repaired. Pointing out the extensive dental work on this tooth, he reminded me that it took a lot more time to do that work than he will have to do pulling the offending tooth now!
He reassured me that I did great then and will do fine for this procedure.
I left with such a mixed array of feelings; thankfulness, sadness, twinges of fear, regret, anger and resentment.
I cannot believe that out of all this dredges up that I wish my mom was around so I could tell her what is happening in my life right now. I do fine for a while, then go on my merry way and something like this blindsided me.
Missing her so much lately, not having her advice, her laughter. It is so hard to believe that she has been gone for almost 19 years.
I want to ask her why she got dentures as such a young age, did she have these problems? Just to hear her say one more time that it will be ok. I search memories to try to remember the sound of her voice.

My husband also went to the dentist and his attitude is angry about the dental work he needs. Well, we don’t have $4000 to fix my teeth. We have to live in the meanwhile.
How does it come down to this? Going from having insurance and retirement to nothing? I am currently searching through my house, seeking what I can sell to raise the money. I am stubbornly refusing to give in to the mentality of….oh we are poor, it just happens!
According to society, we are not poor.
We have a beautiful family, a small farm, our cars are paid off (even though only one is currently running), we are trying to balance our lives.
The children have health insurance, dental and vision. Even with the insurance comes copays that need to be kept paid up and current.

This morning I am readying to go do the chores to care for the animals and farm we are blessed with.
My children up and eating a hot breakfast, with a warm home and starting school.
On the morn of having my tooth pulled I am reflecting, how far do we go in search of Pearly whites? Is this Vanity?

Mayday ahah 253

Failing Kindergarten

1 Feb

Reminiscing, I guess that is one stepping stone of realizing you are an unwilling victim in the aging process. I overhear children talking about how they are bullied, pushed. lied to, made fun of. Keep in perspective that most of what is heard is coming from third grade up to high school. Teachers uncaring, judgmental  dispensing unjust discipline.  Whispers of drugs, sex talk, cell phones, sex-ting, disbelief of intelligent child and adult interactions. Mistrust of adults overall is seemingly rampant, spreading like the cold you try to avoid by not touching fomites.

Forty five years is a long time, material things go from classic to antique status. Depending on the care and quality of the item either treasured or thrown into someone’s junk heap.

Listen with open ears, apply filters when necessary. Most of the things that really annoy me now, cannot be changed, fixed, averted, nor avoided.

Quite tragic that most of the drama starting at such young ages and progressing into adulthood is nurtured, cherished and shared with whomever will listen. 

Any helpful advice? NO, just want to make sure everyone knows. Can you offer help? Sure, it is not taken when proffered. 

It has taken over four decades for the realization that a lot of society’s ills, poor social graces and rudeness, anger and selfishness can be attributed to one thing from the childhood of everyone involved…these people flunked Kindergarten!

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